The Pirate King’s Foxhunting Glow-Up
(With Help From the Fellowship)
Some horses arrive at a Rolling Rock Hunt meet naturally immaculate — gleaming coats, tidy manes, and looking as though they were born ready for the cover of The Chronicle of the Horse.
The Pirate King… chose a different aesthetic.
When it was time to prepare for a hunt day, he presented himself looking like he’d journeyed through Middle-earth, rolled through the Shire, and taken a nap in Fangorn Forest for good measure. Mud, leaves, twigs — a full “woodland wanderer on the run” look.
Just emerged from the Misty Mountains, apparently.
The Bathing Quest (And the Tools Worthy of It)
Bathing a Gypsy Vanner for the hunt field is no casual rinse — it is a Quest. And like any proper quest, a fellowship was required… because detangling the Pirate’s tail is a task best faced with allies. (Thanks, Marcy!)
“Zero to hero!” — Marcy Turjan, Super Trainer and Makeover Magician
We armed ourselves with the finest grooming weapons from both the tack room and (let’s be honest) Amazon. These are the products that turned a muddied Middle-earth marauder into a foxhunting gentleman:
Cowboy Magic Shine In Yellowout Purple Shampoo to lift stains and restore his feathers to a shade even Gandalf might approve of
Cowboy Magic Rosewater Conditioner Revitalizes & Detangles to soften, smooth, and gently persuade his tail back to civilization
HandsOn Pet Grooming Gloves for scrubbing away the layers of “adventure” he had lovingly accumulated
Equine Mane & Tail Combs Horse Brush to unravel the more stubborn woodland knots
Mane Braiding & Banding Bundle (Rubber Bands + Braid Aid Comb) to tame his mane into a braided, hunt-ready style befitting polite RRH society
Book on Braiding Manes and Tails for a little guidance — because even a king deserves a tidy plait on occasion
Finally, a spritz of ShowSheen served as the finishing enchantment — the foxhunting equivalent of cloaking him in a fine Elven cape for his noble appearance.
Return of the King
After several hours and plenty of treat-based negotiation (like a hobbit, he’s highly motivated by snacks), the Pirate King’s true form emerged — a handsome, majestic, foxhunting-ready steed with just a hint of unruly charm… the kind that suggests he might still lead a raid after tea.
Fit for polite hunting society once more.
By the end, he no longer resembled a scruffy traveling companion of a Dwarf.
Instead, he looked like a horse one could respectfully present in the hunt field — polished, fluffy, and almost refined; the sort of steed who could carry a rider across RRH country…
…or accompany the Elves on an epic journey.
A Touch of Middle-earth Magic
A scene from The Hobbit immediately came to mind during his transformation — the one with the majestic, feather-footed ponies that appear to be Gypsy Vanners. Middle-earth knows a good horse when it sees one.
Cousins of Pirate, no doubt.
As he stepped out polished and proud, he carried himself with a noble flair worthy of the Riders of Rohan — riding out with hounds…
…rather than war cries.
Will this transformation last?
Probably until he finds the next available mud patch… which, knowing him, is never far away!
Happy hunting,
and may your boots shine, your flask stay full, and your horse stay (reasonably) clean!
- Janet
